After Loralai got the wrong end of the stick, I'm going to give another scenario that illustrates what I mean, that might be a little clearer.
Lets imagine a married couple, living in their house.
The wife nags the husband for a few years that they need to redecorate. But after being put off for a few years, she goes ahead and just starts.
Not just one room, but most of downstairs. The husband, against his will helps - because if he doesn't, he won't be able to sit down anywhere for several months...
However - finally, the end is in sight. The main thing left to do is the kitchen...but he's stopped from doing it, instead another room is emptied out and painted - because the wife refuses to allow paint brushes to be cleaned in her new sink once it's in place.
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We have a scenario where one person is entirely in the power of the other. They have no choice, but must simply go with the whims of of the other.
In the last post, we had a women, declaring that she "wanted it all" and was going back to work and simply expected the husband to pick up the slack.
My point was that the feminist professor seemed unable to see that, well, actually...this was somewhat understandable. Instead of being a Serious Problem that Must Be Addressed, which she seemed to think.
That the person with the power might be responsible...didn't seem to occur to her.
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Yes, I know - with working, money and marriage things are never that simple. I agree with you Loralai there. I was using the situation as a hypothetical example...not gospel.
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7 comments:
maybe the man just cant support the family and when "she wants it all" or at least cover the expenses of living and putting clothes on her kids back she needs to go back to work. We are in 2008 not 1930 Martin, after your posts I think you better be having a bloody good job that pays for everything when you have kids (and remember kids are the product of 2 people not just the wife).. because i'll print and give your post to your future wife and I have a pretty good memory for these types of things.
I side with loralai.. obviously. Men who think like that are a complete turn off to most women(even with your rephrase still makes no sence at all). Sorry.
for loralai and isabelle, i do see your point of view, but i have to admit i see martins also, at least i think i do, the main problem seems to be that the man is just expected to pick up the slack, what might be better would be some communication between husband and wife, you know, something along the lines of "i really need to go back to work things are just too expensive and we need the extra income, so these are the area's i need you to help me out in at home because i won't be able to do everything" and maybe even the husband gets to negotiate if there is a chore he really detests he can offer to do another that she is still going to do if she would do that particular item or something
or maybe i am way off and isabelle and loralai are going to be mad at me now but oh well, its just my opinion
No agreed, but I challenged martin (during a msn messenger conversation) to provide me with an example of where the decision was entirely made with only one person in power (the woman's)because this is what martin was trying to prove.
She isnt gonna leave the kids at home one day and say im going back to work, theres a obvious process to it all, finding a job, intervirws, finding a babysitter etc etc... When does it happen where she just takes the power and says "well see ya, I have to be working now"?
actually, a suprising amount of that can be done without the husband ever knowing, babysitter hunting can be done while the man is at work himself, so can job hunting, what with things like monster job and what not you can job search without ever leaving home. and many women (and i say this as a woman) have this annoying habit of believing that men know or should know everything without being told, so she could very well be ready for her first day of work thinking that he was aware of everything she did, while he had never actually been told outright, oh she may have dropped hints but never said outright, and the end result is he had no idea and is suddenly expected to pick up the slack completely unaware of what that might be
A mojority of women just go back to their old job after maternity leave, so the man should already be aware of that already, that in a year (canada has 1 yr maternity leave) she's going back.
on top of it all, shouldnt he never be "slacking" anyways? taking care of a baby all day is a 24/7 job that hed rather not be doing all day in most of mens case.
ok yes but how many men remember exactly when wifey went on mat. leave, was it because work was hard on her so she left at 6 months along, in which case she would go back when baby is about 9 months old, or did she work until almost her due date, then you have until baby's first birthday
I do agree with both - but all processes within a marriage should be joint decisions (well, the important ones - not "what am I going to do today").
At all points the other person will have had a choice - even if it was to listen or disregard what the other was saying!
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